I recently heard from my ex that she has a new boyfriend. We dated for nearly four years before we broke up. She, thankfully, moved to a different city to begin her new life, and left me to restart mine. Or so I thought. There was too much attempting to fix a friendship that maybe shouldn’t have been salvaged at that stage, and now I’m here licking my own wounds. Again. I seem to always set myself up for this type of situation, [problem – I know], but it always seems worth it? What’s worse is I know the guy. Well, not really, but I know of him. They met while we were dating. Fan-fucking-tastic. And the crap thing is I always knew. You should always trust your instinct. Always always always.
So, who am i to be giving relationship advice? I mean, I may have let the last real thing slip from right under my nose when it was maybe there to be taken and fixed. But let’s be honest, it is so easy to judge other peoples relationships, and far far easier to give advice. Maybe it distracts us from our own chaotic life. In fact, it is likely to be just that.
But is getting advice from other people really the best idea? Someone I’ve never actually met told me to go to a club and simply ask a girl to have sex with me. In what world would that work?! And in what stellar galaxy would I find the confidence to even think about saying it? Everyone always thinks they know the situation better than you do, but no one except you really knows, as every situation is different. That really is true. The problem is, however, that if you’re looking for advice, and no one really knows, except you, how can you know if you’re looking for a how-to??? Thankfully, there are always the generic answers: “Time heals all wounds”, “If it was meant to be”, et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah! But each situation really is different. This is why I try refrain from giving advice. So, I’ll tell people I don’t give advice. I’ll even go as far as to reply to a blog talking about how silly it is to give advice when really you don’t know, but the fact of the matter is that I love it. I know more than anyone else will ever know. My advice is solid. And right. Always. And yes, it really does make me feel better about my own problems and shortcomings. (No, that was not a pun. There was no hidden meaning there.)
Pressure with one person in a relationship will always cause friction when people get stressed, it’s life, but the other person in the relationship needs to realise it’s a hard time and they, in this case, should be as supportive as possible. Someone once told me that fighting and arguing in a relationship is healthy. It keeps the passion charged – which is so important, else it will just fizzle out. So, as long as the fights are not about the same issues, over and over, and you feel your head is about to break from being smashed against the brick wall, it’s healthy. Crux of the matter: Have the argument, then get over it. Find a way to always remedy it and get around it. One solution, to apologise to end the conflict, is a great idea – To let heads cool, and the resolution come about with a clear mind.
My point, i think, is that we all need someone to hear our words, and for someone to be broken enough to listen to our perfect words back to them.
Is that hypocritical? I swear, that wasn’t advice!