So, a friend approached me the other day with a conundrum. She has this “friend”, whom she’s likes, but the guy seems to have something stuck in his processing pipe. Through discussing it further, and with much frustration, we decided that posting it somewhere would be the best option. So, dear followers, read on and please leave feedback for her.
And just for the record, um-friends are overrated.
I don’t want another Um-friend.
There have been some posts done by BlindCripple that I have really related to. In being a silent lurker but a personal friend, we generally discuss them in private and not on his blog. One of his more recent posts entitled ˜A little bit about being single had me reeling. At last! A boy who finally understood and put into words how I felt about being single!
You see, I sit on the other scale of the spectrum. Firstly, I am a girl. And secondly, up until very recently I have been single by choice. The first part of the sentence still rings true. I am very much single, but not so much by choice anymore.
I’ve met a boy. He’s awesome in every way I’ve always overlooked in men. Nothing like I’d usually go for. For starters, he’s nerdy. He’s nerdy and nerd-like and has lots of pent up sexuality that other girls seem to have overlooked. Luckily for me, though. I find him irresistable and charming in a boyish way that isn’t intended or purposeful, he just is.
I met him through his older brother and within the first five seconds of seeing him, knew I could be with this man. That’s the nice thing about being a girl €“ our intuition tells us immediately what our instincts are about someone. I wish that men were the same, however they really are most certainly not.
A couple of €œdates€ later, I’m still in the same boat. He hasn’t made a move. We talk daily, we hang out a lot and we have shared the same bed. I’ve been introduced to all his friends, drilled by his parents and teased by his siblings, yet he hasn’t made a move. His friends seem to like and approve of me, there’s lots of chemistry between us and he knows I like him, but he hasn’t made a move. Things between us are easy and comfortable and fun, still he hasn’t made a move.
I have no idea what to think. I’ve dealt with the men who make their move too quickly, or the men who have the attitude that just because they paid for half of my dinner it automatically gives them free entry to my vagina, but never have I encountered a boy I actually like and give all the right signals to and he doesn’t kiss me.
So, in being me €“ I’ve spoken to all my guy friends. They’ve come up with a poll that I’m meant to send him. It is as follows:
Hi Sexy Non-lover! So, I’m at a bit of a loss as to why you haven’t kissed me. I know I don’t have bad breath and I know I’ve definitely let you know that its okay to do so, but you haven’t. It’s not a deal breaker or even a put off, I’m just dying of curiousity to know why. So, according to my guy mates, you should select one of the following, please, and send it back to me:
a) You’re not into me and just want to be mates (this would be a sucky answer, but I’d deal, promise)
b) You’re much taller than I am and to kiss me would be a bit of physical bending down effort and therefore you’re a shortist. (You know, like a racist, but for shorter people)
c) You’re gay (please god, do not let this be true!)
d) You’re into me but not sure how to go about things (in which case ffs! Just kiss me so I know I don’t bite!)
e) You’re shy (awwww! Cayooooot!)
So, what do you think, BlindCripple’s readers? I need some advice here – I’m completely confuckulated about this boy. He makes no sense to me.
Annnnd, GO!
Erm, you’ve shared a bed but he hasn’t kissed you yet? WTF? How old is this guy? If he is Pre-teen or Post-menopausal, I can maybe understand but as a hot-blooded, sex-fueled geek (which species I myself have only recently started to appreciate!) there’s no plausible excuse.
Well, unless he has halitosis.
Or is gay.
Good luck. Let us know which option he selected on poll!
Nope – he’s not gay. No halitosis either. I’m not sure. He’s in his mid twenties too, no apparent physical conditions.
Someone suggested that maybe he’s still deciding?
You need to jump him.
If he runs away screaming like a little girls’ blouse, then you know it’s not gonna happen. If he reciprocates and humps your leg like a labrador retriever, you’re in.
Haha Don! But what if I’m old school and don’t feel comfortable making the first physical move? I know its lame – but I just can’t bring myself to do it!
I let out the right signals, dropped hints and even flirted with him. Surely my part has been taken care of?
Okay, so I have no advice for the guest writer (sorry dude – I’m clueless) but PHWOAR! Neal looks HAWT in his header.
That is all.
Haha, thanks Sheena.
To Miss Anonymous,
I personally feel you should give it maybe another “date”, and then if nothing, jump him. Put your old fashioned bull away. If he’s still around by then, forcefully tell him you’re interested. And if he really is just option A, you guys are friends, it’ll be embarrassing, but you’ll both get over it.
Miss Anonymous
Jump his bones already – old fashioned rubbish thinking be gone – and if he is too tall, I can always send over a small step ladder for assistance.
And I see Neal and Don agree, this man needs to be jumped.
*Side Note: Neal, I think you look hot in your header pic too – I say this in a completely non-gay manner of course. 🙂
Dear Guest Writer Chicky 😉
I am a fellow female who has been through what you are dealing with at least twice so will put it down for you in plain and simple speak…
DROP YOUR SHIT AND RUN… ok wait… let me rephrase that… have you heard of the book ”he’s just not that into you”? well i suggest you go out and buy it… trust me… i dont want to be mean and say he’s NOT that into you but honestly and truly he should have swooped in for the kiss by now and seeing as he hasnt one must assume that either he is a complete and utter prat or he is just not that into you… which essentially means he is a complete and utter prat anyway.
you seem like a well put together, intelligent, sweet girl who has most unfortunately fallen for one of those overly sexy nerdy types that we all know and love… thing is, i think we fall for them more (not only because they are so damn delicious)… but because we assume they will not use and abuse us… that they are lacking just enough in social graces that they will not coax us into a false sense of security and then drop us in a second like so many of the less intelligent (dare i say it) jock boys tend to do… the problem is they are still men and are still run by mainly by testosterone…
what i am saying really is not that this guy doesnt like you AT ALL but just that you deserve better than some twit who doesnt have the balls to give you a simple kiss… you deserve someone who wants to kiss you every minute… kissing is very important… sometimes even more intimate than sex… so yes… drop your shit and run… and who knows, mr sexy nerdy man might get the fright of his life, man up and start running after you a little harder 😉
latvia out*
ps – agreed mister neal does look ”hawt”… nice one banana 😉
oh and another ps…. a pps if you like…
dont jump him if you are old fashioned you dont want to…
men are the hunters… they actually like hunting… so dont allow them to be lazy… 😉
@michael – Thank you for your compliment. I’m a little more apprehensive in meeting, though 🙂 No hard feelings, right?
@latvia – Your aggressive tactics made me a little angry. What if he really IS that shy? It happens. I used to be *very* shy, and even now, I can’t approach a girl and talk to her.
Understandably, if she wants to keep her old-school tactics, then so be it, but surely there has to be a limit? Us nerdy folk are sometimes very uncomfortable with intimate situations, and just require a little push. I know this is very general, so I think you need to take each situation on it’s own merits.
There are two things that will happen with your method (If he likes her):
1. He comes back fighting hard
2. He’s too shy and let’s it fade, which is worse. I’ve been guilty of this in the passed. Sometimes I haven’t been smart enough, or even knew exactly what I was looking for until it was too late.
I don’t think it’s a situation that can only be judged by Miss Anonymous.
Maybe keep hinting and flirting – ‘Til you’re blue in the face, and he’s blue in the, well, you get the picture.
you are right… the situation can only be judged by her… but she has asked for an opinion and that is mine…
she is going to waste time with this guy if things carry on the way they do… banana, they have shared a bed… the dude is certainly not shy…
i know that in one situation i was in with a guy who claimed to be shy it was true, he was shy… but he wasnt shy with me… not in the least… 😉 that’s why i am saying that miss anon should just walk away… before she gets too involved and ends up getting upset… it’s a waste of energy and can destroy friendships for unimaginable amounts of time…
dont be angry at my aggression, i am giving her my tough love… you know it comes from a good place 😉
I think you should just kiss him and see what happens. It could be that he is intimidated by your”hotness” and is too scared to make a move. Oh and I agree with Michael 🙂 In a completely heterosexual way of course 😉
Hmmm… i have given this much thought, and all i can share with you – is something one of my very good guy friends shared with me.
“Unless you move your bed into the closet, turn off the lights and take it up the bum… i don’t see this working”
Chin up, and good luck.
ps… BC, we’re just girls. We might bite.. but if in the right place, it’s pretty good.
Srsly girl. Geek guys can be uncertain about whether what’s going on is real attraction, it’s all about that whole stupid “geeks are not sexy” attitude that the mainstream has, after a while even we start believing it. Bit we DO value honesty and openness greatly, so sit the guy down and TALK to him.
You don’t have to “jump him” as such, just find some quiet time and have a serious talk with him. Make sure he knows that you are interested, but that it won’t mean the end of your friendship if he isn’t.
I have to agree with Latvia here – I’ve been in that boat before, and hard as it is, sometimes you have to face facts and realise that if he really was going to do something (or at least give an indication that he will do something) he would at least try.
I wasted a long time on someone who played me (whether intentionally or not, he still played me) before realising that it wasn’t going to happen. And I tried the jumping him approach once, admittedly I was a bit trashed, but it didn’t go well at all.
Shy only gets you so far, and while I’m all for girls making the first move, guys should also put in some of the effort and at least pick up signals or put out signals if they want to get anywhere.
So Guest Chick, I say put out some really, really clear signals, give him a last chance to take the bait, and if he still doesn’t get it, then throw that fish back in the water and find another one that isn’t afraid to bite!
Awww guys, thanks so much for all the advice.
Just to update you – I decided I would be myself and just talk to him. Turns out that although he isn’t into a serious thing right now (awesome, I wasn’t asking for babies) he isn’t the type to just get physical either.
So I’m chilling out about it, what happens happens. What doesn’t happen, thats okay too.