I’ve been asked to write this post by far too many people, but I thought I should entertain them anyway. I’m not really a girl. Not the way Caster Semenya is. No, I’m fully male, and I have the bits to prove it. And they were there when I was born too. I even went the full route – when I was 8 days old the Rabbi did his part, rubbed a bit of wine on my gums, and proceeded to snip the schmuck. Not as though I a choice in the matter, but I’m not complaining now.
I was teased in late primary school of being gay. It stemmed from a stupid joke that got out of hand. It was somewhat tough to deal with, but I wouldn’t put it down to a life changing incident that has turned me into a serial killer. That was caused by something completely different. But I digress… I love women, and no, I’m not a womaniser. My friends will confirm that if you have your doubt, but it’s true. I have a huge amount of respect for women, after all, it’s women that do that thing I like so much. But, I’m not ashamed to admit, that I am a bit of a girl.
So here I have compiled a list of reasons why I am a girl. Some of you will already know these, and some of you may be shocked and never look at me the same again:
- I’m overly sensitive. I tend to let things affect me way too much. I over-think them and let them stress me out. I should care less – Like a boy.
- I like hair. Obviously, not my own. But I notice when someone has done something differently. Like other girls.
- I can sleep in a bed with a person of the opposite sex (or the same depending on which way you look at it), and not do anything I shouldn’t. (Even though I might be thinking it).
- I have 3 different types of face wash, each for a different task. I only use one type of shampoo and soap. I use moisturiser and well as concealer.
- I own more than 5 pairs of shoes. And I’m picky about the ones I wear.
- I have a box of sentimental things that I’ve collected over the years. I will always have it and I will never ever get rid of it’s contents.
- I’ve been known to gossip.
- My music tastes could be considered female.
- Like a lot of guys, I’ve dressed up in drag, but I went the whole 9 yards. Stockings, make up, wig, etc. Check out the pic. Scary stuff.
- Apparently, I squeal. I have no proof of this, and simply play the “hearsay” card.
- I take longer than some real girls to get ready. It’s a process, you know.
- I probably take longer than most females to do my hair. Do you think it looks like this when I wake up?!
- I’m very comfortable with matters of the heart, whether it’s my heart or someone else’s. I’m able to talk, or write, it out so that someone ends up feeling better. And in connection with that, I’m a good listener. The kind that will give good advice. The girl kind.
Now, while you might be thinking I’m truly female, I’ve countered the list with reasons about why I’m a boy. And a good one at that.
- I play a large amount of sports. And while this can be said about some women, I watch it too. And I am able to understand all of them. I can explain the offside rule in both rugby and football. I am also an official cricket umpire, so I know how LBW works.
- As I’ve said before, I love women, and while I’ve already proven I’m really a boy, therefore, I can not be a lesbian.
- I smell good. Man-good. Try me.
- I wear all my pairs of shoes. Until they can’t be worn any more.
- I love my hands, and you will too.
- I know what torque is, and no, it’s not something you do at book club. I also know what under- and over-steer are.
- I read books that involve blood and murder and sex, and not those that are centred around a lady looking for her husband that left her for a tranny. (Although, that would make for entertaining reading, but you get my point).
- I own a BB gun.
- I like my boy bits.
- I’m childish. I play games all the time. People get annoyed with me because of it, but boys never grow up.
- I drive fast just because I can.
- I love bugs. As long as they don’t fly, and they should have 8 legs.
- I can go out after just waking up and not worry about make-up.
- I can have a phone conversation in 30 seconds, and have the topic resolved in that time.
- I know where North is, and I can direct someone there, when necessary. I can read a map book.
I think I’ve gone on enough, but you see my point. Even though I might have all the girl aspects, I have the boy parts there to even-out everything quite nicely. I’m pretty sure you all have your own opposite sex insides, so just embrace them. Besides, this balance I have is me, and I’m quite happy with me.