Let me tell you a story…

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Girl had the run of the town. She did whatever she wanted and lived her single life however she saw fit. Then, out of the blue, she met a boy. This boy fought very hard for her attention. Even after the first date, things were intense. He fought her walls and worries. She let him into her life. He made her believe that some guys were actually okay. He needed her to know that. But a few weeks later, the boy wasn’t so sure anymore. He wasn’t so sure this was right, and so he ended it then, before it had even begun…

I have never broken up with anyone before. There are many reasons for this. One being because I have never been honest with myself, or my partner. There are many reasons. I know myself more now and know what I want and what I feel – And this just didn’t feel right. So, for the first time, I ended this before it had a real chance to get anywhere significant. Perhaps I spoke too soon on the last post?

She says she’ll wake up tomorrow and be okay. I’m not sure I can believe that. Maybe my ego won’t let that be the case, but I find it hard to believe that anyone can simply wake up one day and be fine when there were feelings involved. I know, I’m not going to wake up and be fine. This wasn’t done because I wanted to hurt her. It would’ve been unfair to keep going on when I knew there was something not quite right there.

We got on really well, and she was a really special person once you get to know her. But this is the stage in a new relationship where things are supposed to be chilled and easy and fun. But they weren’t. There had already been one or two issues, and I promised myself that I would not let that happen again. I coudn’t handle closed-off-ness at times, yet the open times at others. I know there are things we keep inside, but I’m human. I got confused too. This didn’t just come because I got cold feet. There are reasons!

I guess this is part of the whole dating thing, but just so you know, it doesn’t feel so great. There are some things that I’ve learnt out of it, though:

  • Not all relationships are meant to last.
  • Dating isn’t easy.
  • People are extremely complex creatures which logic can not solve.
  • It’s going to take a lot for me to trust again.
  • I really miss companionship.

I know she’s going to be angry for a while, and she won’t believe my genuinely sincere words, but there is a reason and I hope she’ll see it. She needs to realise that I am really one of the good guys and they do exist. This just wasn’t right.

I don’t know if I’m ready for something serious just yet, but I still really miss having someone around, and I really loved having that again. Being single has both its pros and cons, but I don’t really think we have a choice in which side of the fence we’re on at times. I’m going to keep living as I need to and I know things will happen as they do…