So here I go again. This is I think number four of me starting this post. That normally never happens, but this time it just wasn’t working before. Nothing was flowing and I was distracted by the situation, whether it was anger or something else. But now there are people shouting at me for not writing enough, and they’re right. I’ve tried to post, but I’m still not sure it flows as it should, but anyway…
I’m always right. I’ve always been right. But just once, I wanted to be wrong. I wanted every feeling to be wrong. So I went to the party. I went with the intention of being a nice person. And hoping for the best. And I did. I put all doubt aside, (mostly), and went. But I was right. Everything I had told my mind and my friends were right. Oh, the irony of how we used to argue that she was always right.
I’m glad I didn’t try write and post on Saturday when I was so angry, because I would’ve probably been mean and brutal to the parties involved, but DTradegy cleared that up for me. So I’m not going to be childish about this. I’m going to tell the truth, because that’s what I do.
Through my medium-crisis breakdown a couple of weeks ago, I spoke about ending things with a girl. It had reached the point where it had to go one of two ways, and this is the choice I made. I have my reasons, and I’m not going to go into them now, but they are there. And they are mine. And they are valid. But it was mainly because I had trust issues. I was screwed over in the past, and yes, it’s going to effect the future, but that is my burden now. And when I asked about what was going on, I was told there was nothing to worry about. That I was being silly. That there was no flirting. That what I was seeing wasn’t really what I was seeing. Yet, just three weeks later, here they were together. I might be overly paranoid sometimes, but here it was, for all to see. That makes me feel pretty kak.
I was upset because I did/do actually care. And that’s normal. But I’m not sure if people were being malicious. AND, what really annoys me, is that the guy involved knew the situation. He knows me. Yet he didn’t even say a word to me about things. But I suppose this is how people are. People only have themselves in mind, and maybe we all need to start to be the same for self-preservation and a drama free life? I’m also shocked at how fast she got over things. Which makes me think that she was just trying to throw it in my face, but the other side of my head says to not think that, that people are not malicious and that their actions are, in fact, for themselves. Or maybe this really was her way of saying fuck you?
In the last few days of thinking about it, I have come to some clear conclusions that I am fully aware of:
- I ended things – This doesn’t change how I felt. I guess you have your reasons for doing what you did, but I also want you to be aware of what you’re doing. I’m not here to hurt you, so get that out your head. But just think about why I might be behaving the way I am. Think about yourself. Don’t force things just because you want something. I know I have my problems, but I know pushing it now would not have helped anyone.
- My gut is right. Always.
- People never surprise you.
- I have awesome people in my life – You should know who you are.
So I’m done ranting and talking about this now. I’ve had enough of it pressed on inside. But I have a friend’s voice of reason in my head that always reminds me of how things are. He’s telling me to stop over-thinking every issue and just let things happen. And so I shall…
*hugs* I’m sorry you got hurt:/ but the lastish part where you say you have awesome people in your life made me smile a little. I’m glad to know that you have people that care for you and that you know are amazing and good for you. Getting hurt always sucks and sadly it affects our future and how we treat situations. Learning to trust your gut is important…i also got reminded of this recently.I wish for you only happiness my friend..*hugs*
“people never surprise you”
how fucking true.
perhaps it is her way of saying fuck you. perhaps it’s also her way of settling. she cant have you, so she’ll have someone you know. the next best thing, however sad it may be.
sigh.
so. how bout that relationship with google then – sound good right about now?
HTFU….
Unfortunately, my concrete supplier does not deliver mugs of concrete in the rain. To compensate you for this, they are willing to upgrade your order to a mug of Reinforced concrete. It’s a little bit harder to stomach but has a much better end result.
Like I said already, this guy is clearly not your friend. It never ceases to amaze how little you can actually trust some people. It’s great that you have those in your life that you can. So just try let this go and forget about her and him.
Neal, harden up. You made ‘this girl’ feel like she was worth nothing more than just a good lay. For months, she put up with your crises, your selfishness, your indecision. You made her feel like she deserved nothing more. I saw her go from a self assured woman, to a woman that was broken. And she did this because she cared for you. So, you’re hurting now because she has found happiness? You hurt her for months. Every day. I saw it, and I was helpless. And now you think she has moved on to throw things in your face?! Your constant selfishness has never ceased to amaze me – not everything is about you. Grow up, she has moved on because she finally woke up and realized she deserves to be happy, and be with a guy that has the propensity to make her happy. All of us have breathed a sigh of relief to see that smile on her face every day. As someone that claims to care for her, and as someone who has admitted doesn’t have the capacity to make her happy, you should be happy that she has found someone that does have that capacity.
@Ruby – Thank you. For everything.
@ExMi – The reason doesn’t matter anymore. And, RE Google, I’m just looking for the hole…
@Marianna – There may have been more to it than I’m seeing, obviously, but this is the way I’m seeing it. I am moving on, so thank you.
@Sheets – Thank you. Every story has two sides, and while I tried my hardest to not drag everyone into it in such detail, you have. You seem to know so much about me, and all my failings, failings I have never denied. I never hid anything. I am all for her happiness, but it was just the *way* it happened that’s hurts. If you knew anything about me, you would know that my blog is my place and my therapy. I use it to close off *my* personal issues. But I am glad you’ve taken to time to learn this about me while you were learning all about my issues.
I know there was pain, I know what I did wrong. I never denied that. I am not blaming anyone about this, because like I said, there are two sides to the story.
And to be honest, this is my space, so it is all about me. Read the title, it had a point…
Ah, the ever so confusing problems that are part and parcel with relationships.
I agree with you completely when you say that every story has two sides, but I commend you for posting your thoughts and feelings so honestly, from your side.
At the end of the day, your friend’s voice of reason hits the proverbial nail on the head- this stuff happens. It hurts, it makes us angry and most of the time, it sure as hell aint fair. But that’s how it goes. The best thing to do- realise it didn’t work, stop overthinking the situation and get ready for the next rollercoaster that you will inevitably find yourself on.
Here’s to happiness!
Strange how a person always realises how good they had it when its all taken away
@Claire – I think you’ve misunderstood. I knew what I had when I had it, but as I said in the post, I had my reasons for ending it and I still stand by those reasons.
Sounds like you went into a relationship with a lot of issues and baggage. Lesson to be learnt not to enter a relationship with issues and baggage and that way when you end the relationship you will accept the outcome and have no regrets. Just a thought
But Claire, I don’t have any regrets. And I have accepted the outcome. Am I missing something?
Holy crapola.
Quit whining. Period.
If that jumbled up, misspelled and error-strewn collection of paragraphs helped you deal with stuff, well then, that’s great.
Your readers are more confused than usual. Something of a record there. Well done.
So as far as I can work out, you dumped a chick you weren’t really that into. Wow.
It’s not like you’ll be the first. It’s not like she’ll be the last.
Grow up. Move on. And stop fucking blogging about it.
Ok so here’s my 2c …
We ALL have baggage and a history – it’s what makes us who we are today.
TRUST is paramount in any relationship, without it there is no relationship, romantic or otherwise.
If someone is right for you and truly loves you, they will deal with your insecurities and past issues without complaint AND help you to learn to trust again (I speak from experience)
There will always be people who disagree with you, that’s life – you can choose not to associate with them
This is YOUR blog – voice your opinion and if people don’t like what they read they can buy a newspaper instead.
🙂
I have to say Neal, none of this is particularly new. I don’t know all that much about you, since we’ve only met through a few social interactions. And so all I have to read you by is your blog. And to be honest it seems like you haven’t dealt with the same issues that have been plaguing you since we first met. Years later, it’s still trust issues, looking for worst in people, not willing to let your heart go. And that is very difficult for females in your life. That emotional push pull of wanting a person and then not is really not emotionally healthy for anybody.
Now I acknowledge that you ended things, and that you wanted it to end, but you can’t really be upset with her. And frankly, you thought this would all happen from the start. You knew she would let you down, and that’s probably because without realising it you pushed her in that direction. Because you expect all women to hurt you.
Maybe, and this is just my two cents here, stay away from chicks until you’ve sorted your shit out. I’ve been fucked over, you know this, numerous times actually. And yet, it’s possible to move on and be happier than ever. And TRUST again.
Just my humble opinion, certainly no offense intended 🙂
@Gd – Haha. Thanks for that. But why did you read it if you’re so sick of my blogging? No one forces this on you. And it’s unfortunate you don’t have the balls to respond as yourself.
@sharon – It’s likely they’ll have a problem with that too because the news is opinionated. But thank you 🙂
@Jacky – No offence taken. I think since then it’s changed and developed, but certainly is not gone. I know that. I mentioned that I had my reasons for ending it, and one of the main reasons was trust. But, this wasn’t the only reason. I think when the right person does come along and would be able to open up my everything. And maybe I did have that opportunity here, but I can’t regret that now. Of course I can be upset, no one can stop that from happening. But I’m releasing it here to allow myself the ability to deal with it. I’m not being mean and aggressive to anyone.
Like Sharon said, we all have our skeletons, but there will be someone that will be able to take it all away…
No I absolutely agree. And it really is that simple. You just happen across someone who just makes it better, without a need to analyse or figure out why. But until then stay away from the drama!
And please keep with writing about this stuff. You’re one of the few brave enough to talk openly about the stuff that bothers everyone sometimes.
Thank you. I’ve *tried* to get the drama out. I’m trying all the time. 🙂
And don’t worry, I’m not going to stop writing.
I have not used a pseudonym for the mere fact that I want you to know who is posting this. As you know I am very close to “the lady in topic” and I can tell you that your “gut feel” “knowing you are right” and all the other terms of validation you use to justify something you have conjured up in your head is a mere figment of your perverse imagination.
She was nothing but faithful everything you accuse her of is /was not there! I get upset just reading your blog, and yes I have gone into your past pages, and realise this is your thoughts and feelings, but reading it, it seems as though you were willing her to cheat on you or have some downfall so that you could host a pity party for yourself.
She offered you everything and yet you turned her down, more than once, and each time this has happened you get some macabre delight in posting it all over the web for all to see, with no regard for her feelings and those of us around her. Unfortunately in these situation people get hurt, I am not denying that you are hurt or telling you she was not broken, but she has managed to heal herself and is healing, who judges the time taken to heal. Who makes that decision of when it is socially accepted to feel good about yourself?
Cease and desist, looking and willing for people to disappoint you – as I can tell you this is a manifestation from yourself, find happiness with in yourself and every thing will fall into place.
I am sorry I can not attend this pity party and can not offer you any consolation that you are right, and all people are shits and they will disappoint you, as I find this is not the case, even after my heart break I still believe people are inherently good and I for one will not pick them apart looking for faults that do not exist because I have been hurt in the past. There is enough disappointment in life and life is hard enough, I rather not project my shortcomings onto someone else.
Was wondering when you’d comment. It’s ironic how some people are now making this personal, while I chose not to.
It’s interesting that this was all created in my imagination. How what I was seeing wasn’t really there, but a couple of weeks later they were? Am I making that up? Or did they develop because of my willing her to do it? This is quite a cool super power to have.
You are right about the time period of getting over things. Some people are much better at it than others – I’m not disputing it. But my feelings have nothing to do with the other person as we are no longer together. If I am feeling happy about it, sad, whatever, I can still feel it, and that’s what I’m doing here. I was just highlighting why I was feeling that way.
I choose to write my life down for all to see. This is a choice I make. If people know me, they will know the story, if they don’t know me, they like reading about it. No where, however, do I let anyone know who I’m talking about. If it hurts the people I’m writing about, then I’m sorry, but I will not stop writing when I am not directly bringing them down in it. I will never stop writing or take something down because of this.
I am very happy with myself. I have had one or two tough times lately, but I am me. And I’m not saying all people will disappoint. This isn’t about everyone. This is about certain people. And behaviour. And how they effect me.
I thought I wasn’t mean in this post, nor was I abusive to anything about her.
Like I said, I’m not making this personal, so this is where I’ll end it.
I understand that a lot of you here are commenting in her defence, because she didn’t want me to write anything. But you can argue until you’re all blue in the face. I didn’t attack her. I wasn’t rude. Nor mean. And I didn’t do it because she cheated – She never did. I ended things because of reasons I had. It’s over. Yet there are clearly still other issues as she’s clearly informed you all of this post.
She will think all this abuse as justification, and if that makes her feel better about things, then so be it.
I have a friend who I once wrote about. It was a post about her and our relationship. The post hurt her, but as she says, she see’s it as my place and knows not to take it personally. She is now one of my closest friends because she understood it all and where I was coming from.
The way I see it, I’ve done nothing wrong by writing this.
And, I must thank you all for the traffic, though.
bla bla bla bla.
she sounds like a sweet chick and whatever. but is her pool of eligible men so shallow that she had to swim *that* close to home?
i thought there was like a rule among chicks – you don’t do your exes friends/brothers/relatives. or is that just me who thinks like that?
@ExMi must be tidal pool ne? This is Cape Town we talking about 😉
You keep trying to justify your actions, which are inconsiderate and insensitive. Yes, her friends will jump to her defense, and you did make it personal, cos you knew she would read it. As far as I know, ‘he’ is not really a friend, but friend of a friend. And really, to all you others that commented, don’t throw stones hey!!! I am sure you have all made a bunch of unsavoury decisions in your life.
Anyway, “blindcripple’… very apt name i might add, you need to realise, that whether it is your platform or not, people get hurt, and your actions here, are hurtful… they a subtle, but direct attack on character, and you cannot do that, cos like you believe ‘her’ actions were hurtful, you have stooped to worse here, cos you have known all along that she will read it. Tactful my friend!!! So please, don’t play sweet victim, and clearly, you have your followers and fans, but you are no innocent!!!
Blah. You’re not getting my point. This is my blog. And I will keeping writing my side of things. You don’t see the hutus writing on the side of the Tutsis, do you?
My blog, my options. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, and we discuss it. That’s the way it works.
I think Blind Cripple should open his eyes and pick up his feet and really move on
Haha. Nice.
I am – This is my therapy.
Umm I think people need to stay the hell away if they are going to attack the Blog Writer on something he has every right to say / feel / express. So to those haters- go find another blog to comment on!
As an impartial bystander it’s also pretty obvious to me that the lady in question has her minion spies checking up on him – perhaps SHE needs to move on??? She must have done something wrong for people to be commenting so defensively…
Blogs are a cathartic means of expressing yourself… so is the “Comments” section I guess… but the only one who can take liberties should be the blog writer. So to all the others- leave him be!
How’s about “Sheets” reveals his / her true name and true intentions here???!
One day, you will both look back, while wiping baby goop (yes, your baby) off your shoulder and smile at this moment. It is all part of your learning curve. You have both learnt something valuable whatever it may be. Just be careful because humans are sensitive souls, so tread carefully. Nobody wants to feel hurt. XX cat
@ Slevin, funnily enough, my REAL nickname is Sheets, my name is Sheethal and I have nothing to gain or los here, besides standing up for a friend that shouldn’t be slandered.
@ Leigh, it’s not defensive remarks. If you are a woman, and have ever been in a relationship where you gave more than you got, you will understand. But I suppose the people here who want to point fingers and throw nasty comments around, forget that they were once the one who was dumped, or treaded upon or just treated unfairly. Had the blog writer been an ex of any of you and the content was about you, whether names were mentioned or not, you would be devastated. Yes, blogs are a platform for expressing yourself, but really, when you claim not to be mean and your content brings up comments about the person u wrote about like the ones in this post, its character bashing. You guys don’t even know this girl!!! Who are you to judge???
We are all human beings wilth feelings. So don’t you guys stand on your high horses and point fingers and jugde, cos I guarantee, you all have something in your lives that can be judged too.
@ Blindcripple – Dude, seriously, get a lfe, move on, stop hurting her!!! And if BLAH is the best you can come up, you have obviously run out of ammo.
@ all you other haters, thanks guys for reminding me how closed minded, ignorant, judgemental, and down right dumb people can be.
I have nothing further to say!!!
What you don’t understand is that this isn’t an attack. You turned it into that. I’m not here to fight about it, that was never my intention. My intention was to tell *my* people *my* side of the story. If you “happened to stumble upon this” and know who I was talking about, then good for you.
I wrote this as best I could without being offensive, because it’s mine, and if it upset people, tough. People get offended all the time, but this isn’t your forum to complain about it. Write it in your own blog. Or if I was really bad about it, contact your lawyer.
But I’ve said what I’ve had to to move on, and I’m not here to fight about why I’m right or wrong. It’s my blog – I’m always right. This is the last I will argue about this.
Well said Blindcripple!! As another comment said – Sheets – go find another blog to bitch on!!!!
Sheets – my name is LEIGH so obviously I am a woman and thus I know firsthand how we WOMEN can be and how badly we can treat guys when it suits us. I am not here to say either party was right / wrong; my comment is merely for YOU to stop being the representative for someone else. If she feels so *wronged* by this blog, she should be standing up for herself. By you being her “minion” she is able to act the victim – a role I’m assuming she revels in.
As for your insinuation that I may be “dumb” – I’m guessing you have an undergrad tertiary qualification to your name at best. Unless you are a Masters / PhD student at a reputable university here in SA, I cannot take you seriously at all. Sorry but if you are playing the academic superiority card, then so am I.
I’m glad that’s all you have to say… it seems YOU have insulted and angered people more on this blog than the original Blog Writer!!
Leigh, I was not pulling the academic card, because I do not believe that a university education measures intelligence. Anyone can work hard and pass an exam!! And if it be known, I am a CA.
I may have pissed on your batteries, and got everybody all stirred up, but reactions like this only surface when a truth is spoken, funny how defensive people can get.
Honestly, I don’t care what any of you think of me, because at the end of the day, you will never know me, and I don’t care to know you. But as you all say, blogs are a free platform, so I will comment or not comment as I please, like the writer is free to character bash… because it is his platform!!!
No blog will ever get only positive responses, except from the persons ‘minions’.
So hey, build a bridge, get the fuck over it!!!
And about my ‘dumb’ comment, if the cap fits!!!
you just sound gay.
Maybe you should be sucking cock instead of nipples.
Thanks, Fred, for that very mature response. I will keep your contact details in mind if I am ever interested.
Wow… a whole lot of whining and bitching in the comments section. Personally, after reading everything, I was quite happy when ‘Sheets’ said “I have nothing further to say! (with THREE exclamation marks).. only to be disappointed by more comments. Good exit! Naaat. (lol..thought I’d just join in the banter there)
My 5c I’d like to share with you… in the words of Mr Frank Sinatra….
That’s life, that’s what all the people say.
You’re riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I’m gonna change that tune,
When I’m back on top, back on top in June.
I said that’s life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin’ on a dream
But I don’t let it, let it get me down,
‘Cause this fine ol’ world it keeps spinning around
I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I’ve been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.
That’s life
I tell ya, I can’t deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain’t gonna buy it.
And if I didn’t think it was worth one single try,
I’d jump right on a big bird and then I’d fly
I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I’ve been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race
That’s life
That’s life and I can’t deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won’t buy it
But if there’s nothing shakin’ come this here july
I’m gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My
Soooo… moving swiftly along.. What’s the next post about? 😉
So …. what I miss? 😛
You’re allowed to feel what you feel. No one can tell you otherwise. And telling you otherwise won’t change that fact. Allowing yourself to feel it allows you to deal with it.
Your blog never fails to entertain – esp. when either you or someone you know features in them 😉 I have no idea who you’re referring to, but your blog is YOUR blog, your thoughts, your feelings, yours. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.
I like it. I’ll read it. Never stop writing.
F**k off – how do you know it’s not my real name? And why did I read this? Because you were BEGGING everyone to come and read it via twitter. I thought it might be really important. But it wasn’t.
So you didn’t make it personal? Wait. What?
You blogged about it on your site which the entire world has the misfortune to have access to. And just because you didn’t mention her by name doesn’t mean it’s not personal.
Jesus, can you even BEGIN to imagine if EVERYONE started whining on the internet every time they got dumped? That’s what fucking myspace is for. So very teenage.
Of course you’re going to take your side in this – it’s your side, it’s your blog. But why seem so surprised when people actually disagree with you?
Perhaps the little something about being right that you should come to terms with is that you’re not always.
Dude, everyone does bitch and moan online. There are millions of personal blogs out there where people write about all sorts of things. Pregnancy, dating, sex – And people love reading about it. I bet even you could start a blog about how you created the world and you can argue about evolution vs Adam & Eve.
Why do you follow me if you’re not enjoying what I write about? No one forces you to click on anything. I bet you are the same person that actually replies to all those Nigerians asking for your bank details, and the same person that sends their login details to a fake bank.
I would suggest you stop reading things that you don’t like, no one wants to feel your wrath when your cup hath runneth over.
Look…I’m a panda!
*sneaks around corner, looks around and jumps out of the closet*
I’m…Batman!
I finally found you, Brucie Hahahaah.
Is the Bat stuck in the web HA HA HA
Bat in the web? I kill myself
BAM!
Woof.
(Licks his balls)
Ooo…Scooby Snacks, Raggy!
So I take it you’re single now? Would you be interested in a tall dark stud of a man?
I love how you’re so sensitive. It turns me on like you can’t believe
Brown, Bruce Wayne and The joker – Thank you for your brief appearance from hiding.
Luigi – Oh yes, how original. Yes, I’m gay. Har har.
Now was that so hard to admit?
Lets chalk it to my tiny blonde attention span, but not gonna lie, after reading all the comments I had to go back and actually read the post again..
It was surprisingly short after the pages and pages of other crap I had to read.
Anyhoo, I wanna add my 7c if I may….
I was kinda/almost in a similar situation about a year ago. The Ex and I were invited to a mutual friends party that neither of us could very well say no to without friend drama, so we went. I, who was the dumper was not going to show up and parade my new boyfriend around (cos he’s totally worth parading around) because I knew that the wounds were still fresh and I cared enough to not do that to him. So what I did, was to make sure I would only arrive at the party late, as I thought he would leave early due to sporting commitments. I was wrong, he specifically stayed, some say its because he knew I as coming but some people are stupid, so who knows. I then decided that I would be the mature one and kindly asked my boyfriend to not be over affectionate, as I really didn’t think that was fair to the Ex, (thoughtfull right?). I believe that that evening, the Ex and his new girl spent most of the night staring at me and then launching their faces towards each other at G-force.
It was a feable attempt at being malicious I think, and although it wasn’t very comfortable it really didn’t work cos as mentioned earlier the new bf is completely parade worthy!I did however feel a bit of a pinch, more that he wanted to be malicious, not at the act itself, (does that make sense?)
But my point is, that if thats what they need to do, and its what she needs to do, and you know it is mean, and she knows it and Sheets, you know it too.
We can’t dwell on it for too long though, stiff upper lip at the time, then a blog post to vent. It is good therapy and people should understand that. I am not man enough to put my shit out there and people should respect that you are. She knew you did this before you got involved right? So she should figure that you’ll probably write about her, she was part of your life and you cared for her.
That’s what this blog is for, people that have made an impact on you, be it positive or negative. We must just realise that we generally talk more about the negative than the positive, such is life…
She and her “minons” should appreciate your view, and move on. Harping on small little criticisms really isn’t worth it.
okie luv you bibi!
wow..
didn’t realise how much I rambled..
oops
A person’s gut is always right, that’s why it’s called instinct. But I know what you mean about wanting to be wrong sometimes. I’m so willing to admit when I’m wrong, however that doesn’t happen very often, and it does get extremely frustrating.