So here I go again. This is I think number four of me starting this post. That normally never happens, but this time it just wasn’t working before. Nothing was flowing and I was distracted by the situation, whether it was anger or something else. But now there are people shouting at me for not writing enough, and they’re right. I’ve tried to post, but I’m still not sure it flows as it should, but anyway…
I’m always right. I’ve always been right. But just once, I wanted to be wrong. I wanted every feeling to be wrong. So I went to the party. I went with the intention of being a nice person. And hoping for the best. And I did. I put all doubt aside, (mostly), and went. But I was right. Everything I had told my mind and my friends were right. Oh, the irony of how we used to argue that she was always right.
I’m glad I didn’t try write and post on Saturday when I was so angry, because I would’ve probably been mean and brutal to the parties involved, but DTradegy cleared that up for me. So I’m not going to be childish about this. I’m going to tell the truth, because that’s what I do.
Through my medium-crisis breakdown a couple of weeks ago, I spoke about ending things with a girl. It had reached the point where it had to go one of two ways, and this is the choice I made. I have my reasons, and I’m not going to go into them now, but they are there. And they are mine. And they are valid. But it was mainly because I had trust issues. I was screwed over in the past, and yes, it’s going to effect the future, but that is my burden now. And when I asked about what was going on, I was told there was nothing to worry about. That I was being silly. That there was no flirting. That what I was seeing wasn’t really what I was seeing. Yet, just three weeks later, here they were together. I might be overly paranoid sometimes, but here it was, for all to see. That makes me feel pretty kak.
I was upset because I did/do actually care. And that’s normal. But I’m not sure if people were being malicious. AND, what really annoys me, is that the guy involved knew the situation. He knows me. Yet he didn’t even say a word to me about things. But I suppose this is how people are. People only have themselves in mind, and maybe we all need to start to be the same for self-preservation and a drama free life? I’m also shocked at how fast she got over things. Which makes me think that she was just trying to throw it in my face, but the other side of my head says to not think that, that people are not malicious and that their actions are, in fact, for themselves. Or maybe this really was her way of saying fuck you?
In the last few days of thinking about it, I have come to some clear conclusions that I am fully aware of:
- I ended things – This doesn’t change how I felt. I guess you have your reasons for doing what you did, but I also want you to be aware of what you’re doing. I’m not here to hurt you, so get that out your head. But just think about why I might be behaving the way I am. Think about yourself. Don’t force things just because you want something. I know I have my problems, but I know pushing it now would not have helped anyone.
- My gut is right. Always.
- People never surprise you.
- I have awesome people in my life – You should know who you are.
So I’m done ranting and talking about this now. I’ve had enough of it pressed on inside. But I have a friend’s voice of reason in my head that always reminds me of how things are. He’s telling me to stop over-thinking every issue and just let things happen. And so I shall…
Now was that so hard to admit?
Lets chalk it to my tiny blonde attention span, but not gonna lie, after reading all the comments I had to go back and actually read the post again..
It was surprisingly short after the pages and pages of other crap I had to read.
Anyhoo, I wanna add my 7c if I may….
I was kinda/almost in a similar situation about a year ago. The Ex and I were invited to a mutual friends party that neither of us could very well say no to without friend drama, so we went. I, who was the dumper was not going to show up and parade my new boyfriend around (cos he’s totally worth parading around) because I knew that the wounds were still fresh and I cared enough to not do that to him. So what I did, was to make sure I would only arrive at the party late, as I thought he would leave early due to sporting commitments. I was wrong, he specifically stayed, some say its because he knew I as coming but some people are stupid, so who knows. I then decided that I would be the mature one and kindly asked my boyfriend to not be over affectionate, as I really didn’t think that was fair to the Ex, (thoughtfull right?). I believe that that evening, the Ex and his new girl spent most of the night staring at me and then launching their faces towards each other at G-force.
It was a feable attempt at being malicious I think, and although it wasn’t very comfortable it really didn’t work cos as mentioned earlier the new bf is completely parade worthy!I did however feel a bit of a pinch, more that he wanted to be malicious, not at the act itself, (does that make sense?)
But my point is, that if thats what they need to do, and its what she needs to do, and you know it is mean, and she knows it and Sheets, you know it too.
We can’t dwell on it for too long though, stiff upper lip at the time, then a blog post to vent. It is good therapy and people should understand that. I am not man enough to put my shit out there and people should respect that you are. She knew you did this before you got involved right? So she should figure that you’ll probably write about her, she was part of your life and you cared for her.
That’s what this blog is for, people that have made an impact on you, be it positive or negative. We must just realise that we generally talk more about the negative than the positive, such is life…
She and her “minons” should appreciate your view, and move on. Harping on small little criticisms really isn’t worth it.
okie luv you bibi!
wow..
didn’t realise how much I rambled..
oops
A person’s gut is always right, that’s why it’s called instinct. But I know what you mean about wanting to be wrong sometimes. I’m so willing to admit when I’m wrong, however that doesn’t happen very often, and it does get extremely frustrating.