So, it’s been a hard couple of months. That certainly has something to do with starting to write again. Funny how it’s so easy to write when there is an unsettled mind, yet, make it happier, it all dries up. And people don’t like to read how happy someone is. The happy people don’t care and the unhappy one’s get angry. But put a bit of emotion into it and people immediately either empathise to it, or sympathise. Many people struggle to write in a way that expresses what they’re saying and so by me writing, some people relate and it helps them understand things too. I’m not saying that I do this for other people, but it’s a perk, if you like. Let me not get you confused, I am selfish, this blog is purely for me.
We all do things for a reason. I blog because it makes me feel better. I’ve missed it lately. Despite this, I don’t want to only blog now when I’m feeling a need. There will be something filtering down at some point, so there is hope. But now, I have missed it. Just over two months ago, my gran passed away one week after her 92nd birthday. By some miracle, I was there on her birthday. But eight days later, her kidney’s finally let go. She and I were very close and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.
I’m still yet to properly deal with it, however. About a week after she passed, I broke up with the girl I was seeing. It was about a nine month long relationship, but from my point of view, very intense. I am by no means saying that’s a bad thing, it is what it is. Things ended because I was unable to give my everything to the relationship. I have my reasons and I’ve tried to explain those reasons to everyone that mattered. It is sad to leave someone, no matter the circumstances. I still think about her a lot. It still hurts for many reasons, but I think this is the way it needs to be. And now, being alone is again a reality but it’s something I once embraced and will try to do it again. There is nothing wrong with being alone, it’s when you’re lonely that it becomes a problem. Winter really doesn’t help, though.
Through it, I have learned a lot about other people and their opinions of me. It’s amazing how many people have thoughts of me and who they think I am. They have strong opinions too. I really think it’s a joke, though. One day I want to have an entertaining life like theirs to be able to sit and chat about some completely random people where I mean nothing to them. I know half of these people are bitter about something or another. It’s petty. But I supposed talking about it is too.
I will be writing about each issue on its own. I’m trying to transition myself back into writing again and hopefully not stop for a while. I really do love it. Creating this blog was the best thing I have ever done, bar none. And if you don’t have your own therapy, you should dig around a bit and see what makes you happy, because in reality, you really need it…