A friend of mine recently brought up the topic of guys in bed.  As you do.  Anyway, we got onto normal behaviour – Like what is normal and what isn’t.  And if it’s normal for a guy to lose his, ummm, mojo during sex.

In all seriousness, however, there are circumstances when it’s “okay” when this happens.  But let’s be honest, a guy going soft is only good after sex.  And you know as well as anyone, that sex without a hard-on is pretty damn difficult.  But not all hope is lost.  And I don’t mean dusting off the old buzz-maker.  There are reasons why it happens, which means you’ll be able to fix it.

Now, there are two cases here:  The during and the before.  They’re unlikely to be affected by all the reasons. So figure yours out quickly so you can be back in there. *cough*

Reasons guys go soft are pretty simple and logical.  And I hope I’ve got them all here:

Drugs – This includes alcohol, and is probably the most common amongst young adults with all the drinking and pot taking.  But this also includes medicinal drugs that will effect your erection status.  Things like blood thinners are probably not a good idea if you’re trying to impress someone for the first time.  Neither is a week’s worth of mary jane.  Just saying.

Stress – This will affect guys of all ages.  If you’re that stressed out, sometimes a good bed session will help, but sometimes your mind is so far away, that it’ll just make things worse.  Work on getting your brain together.  Thing will be okay.

Fatigue – Purely tired.  Worn out.  It’s simple, and possibly the easiest thing to fix with a good night’s rest.  And morning sex is a great way for you to make it up to the ladies.

Guilt – A big one.  The guy is feeling iffy about something he’s done.  Be it cheating, lying or eating that extra piece of cake.  Whatever it is.  If you’re feeling guilty, get it off your chest.

Inadequacy – This may be caused by a number of things.  If she’s abusing you in some way, or if you’ve got the impression you’re just not big enough.  But relax, as long as you know what you’re doing.  And if she’s beating you around either physically or emotionally, and it doesn’t get you off, then run.

He’s just not into you – I’m sorry, but not all guys are shallow and able to shag anything that walks.  If you’re not his type, then it’s gonna be hard.  Well, not really.

The crux of the matter is that it happens.  Even to the best of us.  It really does.  And as confident as you think you are, it’s going to happen to you.  And will probably affect you more because you’re so arrogant about it.  So keep it chilled and try take it easy when it does happen – That goes for the both of you.  Don’t take it too seriously.  If you do, it’ll only make it more uncomfortable.  Talk it through.  Understand each other, and you’ll be fine.

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A friend recently told me that nice guys finish last.  Ah yes, the old adage that every nice guy clings to to give himself an excuse.  But, we’re all grown up now, we’re not 16.  The girls have also grown up now and make better decisions and realise how silly they were in their youth. Ha ha, if only.  The thing is, though, nice guys do finish last. But that’s if you’ve been looking at it the wrong way.  You’re seeing it as the 100m sprint, or more appropriately, a T20 cricket match.  No people, this is the Test match arena. The ultra marathon time.  If you are a nice guy, and I mean, a sincere and honest nice guy, the chances are pretty damn good that you finish that marathon with the gold.  And if you pick up a few trophies along the way, then well done.  You see, even my friend was wrong.  He got the girl.  The girl that was seeing him.  While she was dating her boyfriend of two years.  Hmmmm, he is my friend, but doesn’t that situation stop him being a nice guy?

I was officially bootie called tonight. I had turned off my lights, was quite ready for sleep, until the overly loud cell phone said otherwise.  I went there because I thought I needed to snap out of this trance I’ve been in lately where I’m expecting things to just drop into my lap, but maybe it had?

[I think I should interject and give you a brief background of Jessica* and I.  We hooked up a few years ago while I was in and out of a relationship, and it sort of continued around like that.  But you know how girls are, [*snigger*], and she soon wanted more where I was not in a position to give it to her. So things ended, and ever since then, she has always attempted to hook up, but as I had a girlfriend, that was never going to happen.]

Cue single life. And it was time to start being single.  Off I went to Jess’ house, where she still stays with her parents, mind you, at the age of 22. Now, being a nice guy, I make chitchat, and wait for her to make the first move, which she does.  After some heavy petting, and a few fingers being misplaced, she was quite content with the decision she had made.  But that’s when things got weird. You know how you just know. Well I knew. She was right back to wanting more again.  Now, because I am a nice guy, I chose to leave it at that, and not try to do anything else.  Maybe this was more of a self preservation thing.

I didn’t go over there to be a dick, fuck and run. I enjoy what I do, so I do it well, but I don’t expect the girl to fall in love with me because of it. And don’t get me wrong, there was no sex, but then why was she like this?  Yes, I am a genuinely nice guy.  No, I really don’t have any ulterior motives.  But please stop and think.  I do not want anything serious. Full stop. The thing is though, I wasn’t freaked out, surprised, or anything.  I simply handled the situation, let her feel whatever she had to feel, made more non-sensical chitchat, and when she was ready for sleep, I left.

I had a bit of time to think on the drive home, and I’m not feeling shit about it, or bad in anyway.  I think I really needed to do it for myself, and even though nothing came out of it, I think it’ll help with me learning how to do this whole single life thing.  Is that selfish?  I don’t care anymore.  This time is my time, I do what I have to do.  So, despite the convenience of having a bootie call when you need it, your selection needs to be right first time.  I mean, what’s the point of a bootie call if you’re not getting anything out of it. It should be hot, and sweaty and full of moans and you leave with a smile.   I don’t feel like an ass, and I hope she realises that if she calls again, I will have to tell her ‘no’ because there are feelings involved.  That is the sensible thing to do, ’cause I’m a nice guy…

* No names were changed in this post to protect the privacy of those above-mentioned subjects.   Jessica is actually her real name

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Unfortunately, in this day and age, most people are out and about looking for that stunner, and being honest, we all want that stunner, but the sooner that people realise that their perfect person in their head doesn’t actually exist, the better.  I am at a point where I’ve got a girl that keeps suggesting that I come over for a drink.  I say suggesting when really it was, “do you want to come over and bend me over the bath?” The only reason I haven’t? Because I too can be shallow.  I am not normally in this frame of mind, but for certain personal reasons, as you have read before, I am on a sabbatical. =)

I am an all out a breast guy.  I love everything about them.  But, to put all myths aside, size really doesn’t matter.  Bigger is not necessarily better.  “Size isn’t important if the curve is beautiful”. In fact, I think smaller is sexier, but when it comes to noticing a girl, the first thing I see is her hair.  Hair is so important.  I don’t have some weird fetish or anything, but if a girl has pretty hair, it says a lot to me. I will always prefer long hair, but recently, I have learnt to appreciate short hair more.  But long pretty hair that shines is normally attached to a pretty face. Or a pretty brain. And on some rare occasions, both.

Eyes are also under-appreciated. Eyes are the window into the soul.  Ha ha, yes, I did actually just say that, but only because the cliche is semi true. (Aren’t they all??).  I was talking to a tweep earlier, and she seemed to think that her eyes were dull and boring because they were brown. What nonsense. Eyes really are beautiful, and the colour is inconsequential.  Sure, bright blue eyes grab you faster, but there’s no reason why those brown eyes don’t hold you for longer. Big, bright, pretty eyes, with just a touch of mascara and eyeliner grip you for a little bit longer before the owner of the pair walks passed and is lost to the memory and added to the file of wows.

Don’t get me wrong, there is little better than a girl standing there in peek-a-boo hot pants and a semi see through black bra, but sometimes, there’s something else before all that.

So just remember, there are a lot of other visual things that get your scrutiny and make that person beautiful before other things.  Hair, eyes, arms, mouth, or hands.  The usual bum/boobs/face/legs.  Or, if you are this way inclined, feet, ears, nose or even boep. Mine is hair, what’s yours?

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