I’ve been considering writing again for a while.  However, there’s a lot more to it than just sitting down and doing it.  When this first started, there was a purpose and a reason, and now, that reason is no longer there.  Or is it?  Perhaps it’s just taken a different form.  I know I’m certainly not the same person that began this blog and my oldest friends will attest to that.  But the power that writing has had for me has been playing on my mind.  I’d like to think that not many other people write the way I do.  Sure, there are other personal blogs, but very few of a man’s perspective or the brutality that I try get out.  The reason for this is simple; I struggle to speak these words, so I write them.  I don’t do it for the brutality, that’s just the way it is.

And it has been a long time.  If you look over the last few entries, you’ll see that they’re not really part of this blog.  Some of them aren’t even by me but they’re there as I tried to take it a different route, without really pursuing that route properly.  So, I stopped writing altogether.  I’ve written a couple of posts on overexposed, but that really can’t be compared.  But I think that’s where my therapy turned.  My new love is in the form of a Nikon D90, with which I take photos with every now and then.  And sometimes, they turn out pretty special.  When I’m feeling the need for a distraction, I submerge myself into editing or some web construction.   And, to be honest, I’ve actually learned to talk more.  More about things that I would’ve ordinarily written down, so perhaps I am growing up.  Some would disagree.

I spoke a lot tonight about my past and what’s happened in the last four years and it’s been an abundance.  Looking back, I have no regrets.  I see where I’ve come from and I understand it.  I’m not bitter about anything.  And I hold no grudges.  I haven’t always done things properly nor in the right manner, but I know why and I think the people realise that.  Or at least the ones that matter do.  I’ve also learned a lot about other people and their views on me.  There are some very odd people with very jaded lives.

So much has happened.  Yet, I’m not sure it’s any different.  I’m hoping that I write again.  I miss it.  But I’m not sure how to tackle this.  I’m not sure if I should keep trying to use my own photos as featured images.  I’m not sure if I should redesign the blog.  I’m not sure if I can be as open as I used to be; a lot more people know me, it’s not an anonymous handle anymore.  I’ve had a couple of people pushing me back into it, so that, together with my own intentions, have brought my fingers back to my keys.  Let’s just hope it continues…

Related Posts:

• A Little Bit About Jumping
• A Little Something About The Last Few Months
• A Little Something About A New Life
• A Little Something About Dirty Old Men
• A Little Bit About My Escape

And just for the record, um-friends are overrated.

I don’t want another Um-friend.

There have been some posts done by BlindCripple that I have really related to.  In being a silent lurker but a personal friend, we generally discuss them in private and not on his blog.  One of his more recent posts entitled ˜A little bit about being single had me reeling.  At last!  A boy who finally understood and put into words how I felt about being single!

You see, I sit on the other scale of the spectrum.  Firstly, I am a girl.  And secondly, up until very recently I have been single by choice.  The first part of the sentence still rings true. I am very much single, but not so much by choice anymore.

I’ve met a boy.  He’s awesome in every way I’ve always overlooked in men.  Nothing like I’d usually go for.  For starters, he’s nerdy.  He’s nerdy and nerd-like and has lots of pent up sexuality that other girls seem to have overlooked.  Luckily for me, though.  I find him irresistable and charming in a boyish way that isn’t intended or purposeful, he just is.

I met him through his older brother and within the first five seconds of seeing him, knew I could be with this man.  That’s the nice thing about being a girl €“ our intuition tells us immediately what our instincts are about someone.  I wish that men were the same, however they really are most certainly not.

A couple of €œdates€ later, I’m still in the same boat.  He hasn’t made a move.  We talk daily, we hang out a lot and we have shared the same bed.  I’ve been introduced to all his friends, drilled by his parents and teased by his siblings, yet he hasn’t made a move.  His friends seem to like and approve of me, there’s lots of chemistry between us and he knows I like him, but he hasn’t made a move.  Things between us are easy and comfortable and fun, still he hasn’t made a move.

I have no idea what to think.  I’ve dealt with the men who make their move too quickly, or the men who have the attitude that just because they paid for half of my dinner it automatically gives them free entry to my vagina, but never have I encountered a boy I actually like and give all the right signals to and he doesn’t kiss me.

So, in being me €“ I’ve spoken to all my guy friends.  They’ve come up with a poll that I’m meant to send him.  It is as follows:

Hi Sexy Non-lover! So, I’m at a bit of a loss as to why you haven’t kissed me.  I know I don’t have bad breath and I know I’ve definitely let you know that its okay to do so, but you haven’t.  It’s not a deal breaker or even a put off, I’m just dying of curiousity to know why. So, according to my guy mates, you should select one of the following, please, and send it back to me:

a) You’re not into me and just want to be mates (this would be a sucky answer, but I’d deal, promise)

b) You’re much taller than I am and to kiss me would be a bit of physical bending down effort and therefore you’re a shortist. (You know, like a racist, but for shorter people)

c) You’re gay (please god, do not let this be true!)

d) You’re into me but not sure how to go about things (in which case ffs! Just kiss me so I know I don’t bite!)

e) You’re shy (awwww!  Cayooooot!)

So, what do you think, BlindCripple’s readers?  I need some advice here – I’m completely confuckulated about this boy.  He makes no sense to me.

Annnnd, GO!

Related Posts:

• A Little Something About The White Horse
• A Little Bit About Jumping
• A Little Something About The Last Few Months
• A Little Something About A New Life
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